Prior to Pocket Poems, Laurie Haines created a personal website called the Subject of Me. To read more poems please visit www.lauriehaines.com and click on the dates to the right.

i tried to remind myself
of what we’ve gone through
common things were not enough for you
somewhere buried in the past of all these days
we’ll raise a smile and kiss this life away
i thought of you as i licked my tears
of all the things you said when you held me near
why was holding me so wrong for you
to touch a part of me that was made with you

and i go on and on
and i go on and on

whispered thoughts lye awake with me
familiar touches of the unforeseen
you look at me like you cannot breathe
i stand before you so helplessly

we fall apart, no one will ever know
building from the inside what was left from before
we go insane and the problems remain the same
so why do we choose to stay

if you could feel my hurt
would you wrap your heart around me
a little longer

and i feel somewhat ashamed
that you don’t even notice
we’re playing the game

touch me, hold me till the day that i die
find me, crawling on my knees till i bleed

did you already leave me
without saying goodbye
no lasting reminder of sad looks in my eyes
a day goes by passing, a year long in wait
no words from your voice brace the air to date
then the thoughts won’t stop pounding
in clenching dismay
that tomorrow’s no different than the rest of today
so when will i break from a cycle of hate
that i can’t even explain
to my own heart that waits
for something that’s greater
that shines brighter than new
that spits up before me old memories of you
so cleansed from the silence i have nothing to say
while above are the words
that sting deeper than pain
reminding me blindly of something i once knew
that existed so clearly yet never did too
and to all bitter thoughts an end point exists
i thank you for the sadness that has given me this

listening to words with no thoughts to bare
i stare across the room
waiting for the moment to fill my head
where hope has left it bare

i ran away from it all
couldn’t stay any longer and feel this way

i believe there’s something in me
that’s not worth hiding
from the passer by’s in my life
i can see i’m still deciding

thoughts of you haunt me day by day
and i don’t even know you
for a taste of yesterday
i would come into a world less inviting

Mom’s Birthday Song

wake me up and show me
there’s more to life than this
that there’s a light i cannot see
take my hand and pull me through
the memories
the one’s that pain me

cuz i know time has a healing fate

take me back to all those day’s that were not grey
when life was a drunk parade
i want to know that happy days are here to stay
and i promise to make it last

cuz i know time has a healing fate
cuz i know time has a healing fate
on all the darkest days

take me to where i can smell the flowers bloom
the place that makes me feel
like i’ve won the race
i wanna know where’s the rainbow’s pot of gold
so i can drink it and never feel old

you called me up
i could tell you were not alone
somewhere between now and yesterday
your mind shifted and i don’t know
what to say

i believe there is an answer
buried between the line
i believe there is an answer
buried in your voice

i know time moves on
and magic hands heal too
but if now is where i am
i just want to spend it with you

it’s not that easy to forget you
these moments are killing me too
wish you’d understand
wish you’d hold my hand, again

i laid awake all through the night
wishing you would be by my side
but the night grew cold
but the night grew cold, alone

please come get me
i beg of you
need to release me
from this misery
life without you is wrong
life without you is wrong

undo this ridiculous pain
and make me whole again
my eyes so swollen
my body so weak
my heart so empty
i just want to scratch away these feelings
scream my voice away
i want to suffocate the memories
reverse the past
it isn’t fair
to give life and then take it back
i can’t keep adding to the scars
squeezing till it hurts
turn back for just one week
so i can feel him
so i can never let go
turn back for just one week
so my center feels whole

woke up again with this feeling that never ends
with all the hurt inside that keeps a welcome home
i never thought it would be this way
so empty and so foreign
with such a hold on devastation’s door

and i count the days till i hear your voice
a sound that has been erased
but you haven’t called and i refuse to call

and i don’t want to lose
just tell me, you made a mistake
and drive along the midnight road
till i hear you knock on my door
and you say how much you love me
and that you can’t live without me

but the day hasn’t come thus far
where you rescue me from my own big fall
and i have to continue on
with memories surrounding me, voices haunting me
and my hope that barely survives

and all i want is to go back
rest my head within your lap
remember the times that we had
but now i replace those thoughts
with tears that drown my swollen eyes
with all this frustration on my back
can’t we start again and just pretend

between love
and terrified of repeating an unwanted past
i rest alone
lying here with unsettled thoughts
where my heart feels bruised
my emotions stripped raw
and my hope spins out of control
it is you who i love
it is you i don’t want to lose
i wish i could pause time
to surface your unknown fears
i wish i could unlock the secrets of your mind
and all i do is wait for this magic moment to occur
it’s an unsettling and rejected feeling
of which it is not even mine to own
but without some silence between us
without the feeling of loss
i fear my waiting will be in vain
and i will have suffered once again

with every breath
a scar is creating
with every tear
a new layer is built
back up go the walls
to protect me from the damage
and in my internal city
the lights have been turned off
there is no life here right now
there is no joy to embrace
i am crushed by the layers
destroyed by this storm
i am emotionally drained
and physically weakened
i wish i could hate
for if i could
then i could stand stronger to fight
but i can’t do much more
than lye here and wait
for time to heal over
the new scars my heart now wears

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